I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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