i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
