the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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