you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
