at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
