The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
