I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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