I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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