then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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