Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
