You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
