ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
