She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
