Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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