Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
