all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
