all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
