It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
