Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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