I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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