PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
