yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love having hate sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
