Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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