she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
