I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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