I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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