I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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