Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
