I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
