I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
