my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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