friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
