One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
