The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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