Are we in a gay sports bar?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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