The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
