my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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