Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We smell like vodka and hangover
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