I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
