Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My balls are so social today.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
