good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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