I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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