It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they're like a gay fantastic four
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
