I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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