He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dick very happy bro
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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