The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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