let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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