It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So vagazzling was a success
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
