so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
