She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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