i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
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Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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