I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
