mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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