if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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