it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
