I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
