Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
