just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
