Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
