Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
