What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
