24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
