That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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