According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
