Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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